Scanxiety & hearing the most longed for words.... Remission

"Scanxiety" - The very real feeling a cancer patient or survivor has when an upcoming scan is approaching

I don't think anyone in their right mind enjoys scans, whether that be CT, MRI, PET, whichever. It's a daunting experience where you are popped in a tube, told not to move and just wait to see if we find an issue with you. I know I certainly wasn't. Growing up I have had problems with my legs, hips & back (yes I know, like a little old lady before my time) but that meant I have experienced a variety of scans. Now, like I just said, I am not racing up to slide into a tube for the fun of it but I got on with it without too many water works. This however has massively changed!!

For me, my now acute fear or Scanxiety didn't develop on my first round of CT & PET scans because at that time, I was quite sure everyone was being rather over dramatic and I just had a cold, not Stage 4 Hodgkin's Lymphoma.  Instead it manifested at my first scan after starting chemotherapy. I had completed 2 cycles of chemo and we needed to check that the chemotherapy was doing its job and banishing the cancer from my body. From not sleeping the night before, to a tightness in my chest and an all encompassing feeling of doom I turned up at the hospital. I hadn't experienced such anxiety for a routine scan before this moment. The funny thing was, I thought that stage of scanxiety was bad, try waiting for the results! 

It all got a lot tougher for my 2nd round of scans after 4 cycles of chemo. Even though I had promising results on my previous scan where it showed the chemo was working, this scan was make or break for me. It is common with Hodgkin's Lymphoma to get scan results that show a full metabolic response (no signs of disease) on your first scans.... I didn't. So going into the 2nd lot, I was twitching. For the few days leading up to my scans, I was restless and didn't sleep with only one thing on my mind. The morning of, I woke up feeling like a tonne of bricks had been pressed on my chest all night (usually Piglet my pug sleeps on my chest and yes she is a tad on the cuddly side, she certainly isn't heavy enough to cause pain). I can't speak, I feel dizzy and scared, sweaty palms and I have to give myself a stern talking to. As if the feelings of pure anxiety aren't quite enough, the scans take a little while and you have to sit in a freezing cold room, laying in a tube which if you weren't claustrophobic before you are now and try and will yourself to have clear or positive results.

Clearly I willed bloody hard enough as the torturing wait to see my Prof paid off, I heard those longed for words - 'You are in Remission!' My scans showed a full metabolic response! 

Following my glorious news just before Christmas, which meant I insisted on the whole family calling me the Christmas Miracle (it didn't stick), I had to finish another 2 cycles of chemotherapy and now I am two weeks out from my final and most important scan. The Everest of all my scanxiety is still to come but until then I am going to do the most unhealthy and British thing to do and completely ignore what's to come!

Tips for dealing with Scanxiety:

• Distraction - binge on Netflix, get lost in a new book, online shopping, go out for coffee, treat yo'self!
• Music - crank up the show tunes, rap to Eminem or wind down with some chilled songs
• Acknowledge It
• Be Prepared - Whilst we always want and hope for good news, this isn't always the case. 
• Play with Dogs - this is just a win in all scenarios
• Meditate 

** If none of these work, sod it, buy a plane ticket to Bora Bora and leave your worries behind