The friends we make along the way

When I started getting deeper into my own cancer journey, I found I was getting deeper into the world of cancer as well. From connecting to humans on instagram by sharing my experiences and attending charity days to meet fellow 'C Club' members - my world became cancer-fied. Somehow immersing myself fully into this 'new normal' seemed to help me rationalise everything that was going on but most importantly it brought so many incredible people into my life which without cancer I never would have met.

You are able to connect on a completely different level to others as you both fully understand the trauma the other is facing. Yes your cancer may be different flavours, your treatment different endurances but overall, ya get it! Together you bond over the pain, celebrate the smallest of milestones and learn the best way to negotiate cancer muggles. My fellow cancer buddies are the ones I can turn to when I have a question about when to start exercising again, what to do with my newfound face fuzzies, what's the best way to tie my headscarf, how to deal with my anxieties. These are the ones I talk to daily, day and night. The ones who make me feel 'normal.' My support systems. After spending months relying heavily on these kindred spirits... what happens when cancer does what it does best - and it takes?

It is a funny old thing, you always think - Oh it will never happen to me - but it did. I got cancer. Then it progressed to - No, I wont actually be friends with someone that cancer chooses to take - but it happened. We lost one of our own. Lucy was the OG, the GOAT (in more ways than one) and the creator of the Badass Babes. Lucy created a whatsapp group, 'Badass Babes', an area for a group of us to build lasting friendships and support. She was a beacon of light to so many of us, even the ones who never officially met her, she touched.  I find myself re-reading her blog, scrolling through old instagram posts just to still feel that effect she radiated - The Lucy Effect. The brilliant power she had to somehow totally inspire you without even realising she was doing it. 

It was the moment I heard that Lucy was out of options that things went downhill for me. Options to a cancer patient is like gold dust, it's the hope you cling on to but when you are told you're out of them, there isn't a way back. My thoughts declined like a negative flow chart from that news. The news that my girl had no options to save her, nothing to keep her with us, her friends and her family. This spiralled into I am going to lose my friend, what about all my other friends in this world? I mean the statistics are depressing, 2/4 people with cancer will die, I cannot do this, I can't be surrounded by people where loss and heartbreak is the norm.... And then the inevitable happened quicker than any of us were prepared for - Our Luce was taken. I shut down. No longer did I want to have any connection to cancer, I was selfishly thinking only of myself. Thankfully, it was all those humans I wanted to shut out that helped me come back. I got some amazing advice from Jen which I want to quote:

When I lost my friend "I sat myself down and said OK, this is going to keep happening. Although everyone you know will eventually die, you are putting yourself in the line of making friends with people who are more likely to die sooner than others. Is this what you want? And I did think about it, I really did. It can be hard to be trying to get through this cancer thing yourself and then you keep losing friends along the way from the same disease. The answer for me was a yes, a resounding yes."

This, along with so much more advice, gave me the clarity I needed. Yes I am at risk of losing people sooner but they enrich my life and make it better. So even if I only get to know someone a short period of time, it is so much better than not knowing them at all.

Naturally you must do whatever it is that is best for yourself but if you are unlucky enough to join the club no one wants to be a part of, you will be lucky enough to become friends with its' members. It seems with cancer you are given a special power, a gift, and that's everyone else with cancer. It's hard at times I know but embrace it. The friends you make along the way will most likely be your friends for life.