Baby's 1st Hair Cut

I don't have children (unless you count my pug babies) but I have heard your baby's first hair cut is a day to cherish. Just like all the other first experiences they are to have, there is an air of excitement, pride and knowing a key memory is being made right then and there.  Well, that's how I viewed my 1st trim since growing my own new sprouts after losing my hair.

My hair was very quickly taking the shape of a less majestic version of Jack Black in Nacho Libre...



Even though I was fully enjoying my 2 inches of fur, the straggles over my ears and down my neck had to go. I popped into a barber and explained my situation, saying I merely wanted a tiny tidy up, nothing off the length because I wanted to keep it as feminine as possible. They kindly advised me it was best for my first time to go to a hair dressers just to make sure I get exactly what I ask for. So that's what I did, I took myself next door to a Tony & Guy (nice and fancy) and 'luckily' (I say this lightly) they could fit me in.

I realise I don't need to tell the world and their uncle I have cancer and what I have been through (even thought I usually do) but I thought it was appropriate as I was very anxious the hairdresser didn't take too much off. I explained in great detail how I lost my hair, these were my first sproutlings and I only wanted the smallest tidy up because my hair was going to be falling out again soon and I wanted to keep as much of it as possible. The lady who I booked in with understood and led me to the hairdresser to which I did the exact same spiel. I showed her the neck fuzz that had to go and how I wanted it tidied up around my ears, I stressed I did not want the length to be shortened apart from just a smidge at the back if it needed it. The hairdresser was like music to my ears, nodding along and explaining how she will use scissors not a razor etc and just a neaten up - brilliant lets go!!

Chit chatting away she starts at the back, I am reading a magazine whilst munching down on a hairdresser biscuit (you know the one, which I always wish they gave you a stash of because they're so small yet delicious!) and totally enjoying the experience. I take a few selfies for the memory album (aka insta) and sit grinning at the fact I am actually back in a hairdressers nearly a year after losing my hair.

Suddenly the mood shifts as I catch a glimpse of the side of my head. I take a minute and don't say anything yet as I couldn't quite believe my eyes. This lady had given me a god dam short back and sides leaving old Curly Mcgee on top. I stopped her and managed to mumble out 'Oh that's a lot shorter than I asked for.' She tries to tell me how fabulous it is and how I should wear the hair on the top of my head sticking up.... which instantly made me look like Pat Butchers mini-me. Devastated didn't cut it, I told her to stop and got out as quickly as I could.

Heartbroken I sat in the streets of Reading crying my eyes out. Zero f*cks were given for any of the strange looks I got by passers by because I was totally and utterly devastated. Most things cancer related are shit but the idea of having my 1st hair trim with my new hair seemed like one of positive moments to come from all of this, and it was ruined. I just couldn't stop crying over the fact that stupid hairdresser had given me the 'mullet starter kit' hairstyle until my hair all falls out again.

Here is a before & after for your perusal:

BEFORE

*cute little scruffy pixie number
















AFTER

*bringing back the 80s mullet

























It was like the rug got pulled out from under my feet. I tried to rationalise it in my head, I promise. I told myself 'it's just hair,' 'its going to fall out again anyway,' 'come on, lets not be so dramatic over a bad haircut,' 'you have cancer and this is what you're crying over' - but I just couldn't. I watched helplessly as my hair fell out a year ago, suffered the emotional and physical pain of it coming out, I had to shave the remnants of be beloved hair, endure being bald for 7 months, feel like I lost a part of myself when my hair went, I lost my femininity, the feeling of being 'pretty' and to then FINALLY start having your hair grow back and to be told it will all fall out again because you have relapsed... all this is why I was so devastated. For nearly a year now I have woken up, looked in the mirror and cried not recognising the stranger looking back at me. Never did I realise my hair & 'looks' were so important to me until cancer decided to hitch along for the ride. Its incredible how one stinking hair cut could make those all too familiar dark storm clouds start rolling in again and the worst part was is I was only just starting to see a clearer sky again,

After getting home I did what I knew best, got in the shower and re-washed my hair. When I had long hair before and walked out of the hairdressers and didn't like it, I would always rush home to wash and style my hair which would 9 times out of 10 always fix the problem. This time.... was that tenth time. In some weird hope when I hopped out the shower and skidded over to the mirror I assumed it all would have been a terrible nightmare and my little fuzzy pixie do would be looking back at me .... nope just the mullet.

Meltdown completed for a couple of days I reluctantly knew I had to do something about the mop! This time I used my brain and went back to a trusted and amazing hairdresser local to me... which I should have done in the first place!!! Obviously I would have to go shorter, again, to fix the problem but after hiding under Kim, Kourtney and Khloe (for those that don't know are my wigs!) for the last few days I knew it had to be done.

{Wine & Wigs always fix a problem}



My hairdresser was calm, understanding and did an amazing job all things considered to which I am very grateful. I think it will take me a while to get used to having such short hair but lets me honest, anything is better than bald sometimes and I should enjoy what I have until it falls out again.

Even when a problem seems too big to ever be able to either fix or get over, try and remind yourself that in a few days or weeks it won't seem as awful. Its so hard to remind yourself of this but when you do finally start coming to terms with it, try and see the funny side. Its the only way we are going to survive in this world!

















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